The same niggling doubts I always had about not belonging. I didn't feel like I belonged with my family, and now I didn't feel like I belonged with YOU, except unlike my family, who was stuck with me, YOU had chosen me, and this I didn't understand. Why YOU?

And I knew that when it was the two of us alone together, we could talk for hours, or sit side by side for hours, each one plugged into our own earphones, and still feel completely together. I understood all that in my head, but I still didn't believe it in my heart.

When I was with YOU, I felt picked, chosen, special, and that just made me wonder why me? even more.

I thought of what mom sometimes said to me when I was feeling insecure: "Fake it till you make it." By the time I finished playing the piece three times over, I decided that not only I go to your show, but for once I'd make as much of an effort to understand your world as you did mine.

After that, whenever I started to doubt your feelings, I'd think about everything that would bring back all the memories of the nights. And then I wouldn't feel insecure. I'd just feel lucky.







:I love you
new past